My Testimony from 2022:
I never knew how my life would look: especially this year. Try as I might to plan my life away, God humbles me through every season by showing me His true control and power. There were many times I had written drafts for my blog, but I wasn't inspired to post until tonight - New Years Eve.
This year I've experienced immense stress and pain: something I never thought I'd be facing at 21. Not knowing when my daughter would eat or grow was terrifying, and I had trouble focusing on anything else but her (New to my family's story? I have previous posts explaining Amelia's feeding journey).
While battling my own physical and mental limitations during various trials, I have struggled with discontentment this year. It's bred anxiety, frustration, and being disatisfied with myself and my circumstances. It's been an invisible enemy, with real power, that I am still learning to overcome.
I was shown my limits, and I had to take the fall semester off of college. Instead of achieving all the goals I had planned for myself and my family, I was in and out of doctors appointments multiple times a week for Amelia and I. I was moving too many times for comfort, yet never moving into my own apartment or house (which was part of "my plan"). I had to ask for help far more than my pride was comfortable with. I had to grieve things I never planned to lose.
Once I realized God is my perfect Father, husband, and and friend... I found true relief, peace, and comfort. On the other hand, realizing I have control over very little has put my faith to the test, and it's humbled me to rely on the Lord and His plan for me (instead of my plan for myself).
This year God personally spoke to me through friendships: old and new. He surrounded me with a community I wasn't aware I'd need until now. After being away from church for too long, I was shown the power of Fellowship again. I experienced a miricale and a gift that strengthened my faith to a level I am still processing (it's something a bit too personal and intimate for this post).
God's message to me this year was to accept His power and let go of mine, take shelter in His comfort, seek out brothers and sisters in Christ and learn from their wisdom, humble myself to accept help and sound advice, and learn that joy can coexist with any emotion or circumstance.
My New Year's Call to Action
In 2023 my "resolution" will be to remember what I've learned this year, so that my faith can continue to grow. I want every hardship I face to stregthen my testimony. I want to rely on Him and let go of my personal idols (control, perfection, anxiety, discontentment). I want to surround myself with fellowship, so that I am not spiritually alone. I want to be a light to my daughter and anyone I come in contact with, so that they might wonder about the joy that's within me.
Finally, Lord willing, I want to continue on my path to pursue an education that suits my strengths, and prayfully use what I learn towards a calling God wants for me (Bachelors in English and Writing with a double minor in Apologetics and Christian Counseling may be a mouthful, but it's covering my passions).
My hope is my testimony can resonate with someone, and the things I am struggling with and learning to accept can help show someone that they aren't alone. I'm always here if someone needs to talk!